The True Hero of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf: The Liver(s)

Well I was going to write a blog about marriage and its different definitions for different people….but after scrolling through my reader page, I thought the idea too unoriginal. Instead, I’ll save the 4 or so paragraphs I wrote about marriage and slap them on to the end of this substanceless blog to give it more…substance. Actually, there’s plenty of substance already. 

Holy shit there’s a large volume (mL) of substances in Edward Albee’s Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? I thought today I’d write a blog out to the livers of our main characters, who endured much more hardship throughout the play than any of the characters themselves. One could argue that the ability to not have children—something most couples take for granted—is much more a hardship than some alcohol. Those people would be wrong. I mean hey, if George and Martha had a kid, they wouldn’t even be able to drink so much. Martha especially, that kid would definitely be at risk for FAS. FAS is Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Anyway, after losing my train of thought, I’ll just give you my thesis: the livers of our main characters are damn impressive. Like…defying science impressive. 

The play opens with our main characters, George and Martha, and later Nick and Honey leaving one party to have a little get-together. We can assume all of them have been drinking, especially George and Martha, who are already drunk. A conservative estimate here—in terms of BAC—would be somewhere in the 0.08-0.12 range. There seems to be a lack of inhibition among George and Martha, who willingly scream at each other in front of their guests, and Martha particularly seems at least tipsy. 

Once the characters all arrive at George and Martha’s abode, the already-hurting livers are in for a special treat—more alcohol! Specifically, hard liquor. Yeah, they’re fucked. So basically everyone in the room is drinking something in the ballpark of 40%-60% alcohol content, which gets anyone fucked up pretty quick. If we do an estimate post-first-drink, we’re looking at about 0.15 BAC. Thank god Nick and Martha are on the thicker side, or they’d be blacking out already. It’s actually quite impressive the dialogue here is so coherent, and the words being spoken actually SOUND like real words (I know this because I actually watched the first part of the play). Shoutout to our underrated heroes yet again, the livers, who are allowing for the story to actually develop.

Moving on, Nick and George keep drinking. BAC probably still chilling in the 0.15-0.16 range, as they’ve talked, sweat, and most importantly—they’ve been away from the party where they were originally drinking. Martha and Honey decide to take a break from drinking (why?) and go spill tea upstairs. Upon their (re)arrival, Martha and Honey engage in some more heavy drinking with the boys. Now, I’m no doctor, but I do know that Honey is like fifty pounds less than anyone else here. When is she gonna black out?

Predictably, this is when Honey throws up. Considering she’s probably blowing a 0.2 now, this is a pretty mild reaction (we know she’s 0.2 because this is where movement, even walking, requires what I like to call ‘foreign aid’). After receiving foreign aid from Martha, Honey stops drinking (why?), yet Nick and George are still sipping a third drink and Martha asks for a third drink. BAC around 0.2 now for them as well? 

Honey seems to quickly go back to drinking after throwing up (puke and rally baby), as she does a toast for her fellow drinking buddies while screaming ‘VIOLENCE, VIOLENCE’ like a wicked witch. This is a decision she soon will regret, as pretty soon she’s literally lying on the bathroom floor blacked out. So it finally happened. 

The other three, Martha, George, and Nick, continue drinking in Honey’s absence. It’s tough to even estimate the BAC at this point, but because none of them black out or even puke, I’m guessing it never quite gets past that 0.2 level, which to be fair is pretty Chadly of them to do. Surprisingly, this isn’t a play set at Ohio University, where people blow 0.2 before they go to class. 

What was the point of me writing this? I’m not entirely sure. I just thought that maybe it would be interesting, but after spending time on it, I’m not so sure about even that. Just know that the true heroes of this play are the livers of Nick, Martha, and George, who endure so much fucking alcohol yet keep their persons’ relatively cognitively…available? I’m not sure.